Roy and I have just returned from Downtown Mogadishu where suspected
members of the Islamic militants group, Al Kebab, have been running amok in a
resurgent re-occupation of the capital. They have predicted more horrific
attacks on Mogadishu, said El Kebab spokesman, Sheik Abdialysis Abu Samoosa,
 |
| Morehamhead Suliemanob |
 |
| Sheik Abdialysis Abu Samoosa |
in
between bites of fried Cajun goat meat wrapped tightly in a durum roti from the
goat meat factory in Timbuktu.
The well organised attacks on the devastated city have made the
African peace keeping troops, courtesy of the SANDF Reserves, search door to
door to try and flush out El Kebab’s supply of goat meat rotis in an effort to
stymie their well organised offensive within the city. The security forces
led by Somalia’s finance minister, Morehamhead Suliemanob, have called
upon the one friendly country to come to their aid to buck up security, improve
the country’s infrastructure & build his mansion on the south side.
 |
| Ima Loota Tu |
The
first response came from Haiti’s Minister of Internal Affairs, Ima Loota Tu,
who strangely and unexpectedly came to power after the last earthquake,
supposedly financing his election campaign from looted goat meat &
generally wild game offal. He called from his holiday home on the Isle of
White, alongside the world famous rubber duck factory, Soo Mali Yachts inc., to
confirm Haitian assistance.
At least one car bomb went off and many jihadists blew themselves up
outside the law courts, with two destroying themselves outside the Halaal goat
meat processing facility just as a herd of goats were noisily and reluctantly
being herded into the mince meat processor. Analysis by the local Labatoire de
Monguldishu confirmed Somali DNA contamination in the goat rotis served from
the government kitchens during a three hour lunch break during a ten minute
government symposium on ”social upliftment under the welfare state”.
 |
| Samoosa leaves his bunker |
The reasons for attacking the law courts was more a symbolic
gesture as the incumbent government wanted to reform the judiciary and control
their own finances from the various aid donations, and especially to control
the Samsung 60” TV imports. The car bomb, reportedly made in an underground
laboratory in Lower Manhattan, had the desired effect by demolishing the entire
west side of the fortified airport and sending the dated control tower spinning
into orbit to its final resting place on the helipad of the nearby UN patrol
ship, HMS The Iron Lady. Flights, both in and out, resumed as soon as the dust
settled and the runways were cleared of roadkill that had littered the runways
prior to the explosion after a UN delegation of 4x4’s had been unloaded en
masse from half a dozen customised & overloaded Antonovs. Samoosa had
controlled the whole attack from his bunker under the government buildings, and
believes that all the bombings would have been more devastating if the other
eight car bombs had functioned as they were designed and, presumably, made to
do.
Sheikh
Samoosa was highly regarded amongst the Al Kebab Jihadists & had found fame
years earlier when he captained the Punjabi Nite Steekers in the inaugural IPL
tournament.
 |
| Samoosa in action for the Punjabi Nite Steekers |
 |
| Wuda Shuda Cuda |
He was an extremely quick opening batsman for the Punjabi Steekers
& one of his bouncers took half of the Australian Merv Hooghyes' handlebar
moustache clean off in the opening over in front of a hundred thousand
'wagons'. The indecisive captain, Wuda Shuda Cuda, dropped him, leading to him
losing his lucrative sponsorship with the Ijuba Bru Brewery on Point road in
Durban.
He disappeared from the sporting world only to resurface in a wingsuit
gliding competition in Katmandu, Nepal.
The NRA has spent upwards of 25 million dollars
to push their misinformation and fear mongering through gun lobbying and a
rollout of generous donations to various government departments. America is now
one of the less than safe countries on this crumbling planet called Earth, and
often targeted by a variety of gun toting madmen, a mishmash of nationalities
incorporating a spectrum of education or lack of it, and more often than not
instructed by God, and always a malevolent one at that. The fact is that most
American adolescents play truant at school for most of their juvenile years of
supposed education, experimenting with a shopping list of discovered & soon
to be discovered Amazonian & Peruvian herbal drugs while their mothers milk
the local priest, usually an Evangelist with his own TV channel, in the back of
the family stationwagon next to the school gym parking lot & inbetween
spinning classes. The bulk of constituents, at least the ones that had enough
discipline to actually attend high school or simply couldn't stomach ganja in
the first place, demanded that criminals and lunatics be screened to ensure a
safer population under the star spangled banner, but these same concerned
voices that elected them were then largely ignored or connivingly appeased. So
where to now for the bulk of concerned Americans, educated or not, and including
those inventors of the Tommy Gun, Bren Gun & Gattling Gun, to name but a
few weapons of mass destruction that have spewed from the predatory minds of
American colonialists bent on murder & carnage in the name of self-defense
& with guns designed not just to kill, but to annihilate every organ within
the human body with one short burst of the trigger...do their voices still fall
constantly on deaf ears?
