29th May 2013 - Sydney

Roy and I have just returned from Sydney, Australia, where Collingwood President, Harry Mywire, has apologized unreservedly for his 'on air' racial gaffe a la Prince Philip. The overweight Mywire is distraught over his 'slip of the tongue', insisting that he has apologized without reservation for the 'King Kong' slur.

 

The whole sorry affair started when one of the young sports fans ignorantly labelled the Sydney Swanns' star, Adam Goodes, an ape. Goodes, one of the indigenous players who has plied his trade playing top level Footie for many years, was keeping mum about the whole unfortunate affair. Meanwhile Fat boy Mywire on the advice of his Samoan PRO, Don Faakitup, went on air to hopefully put the whole issue to bed and inadvertently dumped tankers of fuel on the fire by inadvertently comparing the flying Footie star to King Kong, commonly known in Hollywood as a very large, hairy & very aggressive ape. Mywire then went back on air to apologise a second time, again at the directions of Faakitup, for the unfortunate comparison and immediately offered to resign his now tenuous position given the fallout, something akin to the radiation blitz from the Chernobyl meltdown of '86. He started tearing (an Indian colloquialism for uncontrolled crying) on air in an effort to muster some level of sincerity for his double folly, stating inbetween contrived sobs that Goodes would make a great advert for the King Kong musical, Swabs Down the Zambezi. Bollywood are considering making a movie about the saga which could feature Vish Iwasthere and Sutra mBull, who coincidentally starred in the acclaimed Duthra Does Delhi and the sequel, Put Hing Saword. They were also considering Tumby Luckan for the part of corpulent Mywire after his impressive performances in the comic strip, Kid Colt, with legendary Skaap, Hairteing Fromwesthousing.

The ASL have summoned him to undergo a racial vindication program to assess Mywire's frame of mind with regard to indigenous players including those of colour & flat noses. When they interviewed another Footie star, Ron Thruawall, born in a remote tribal village in eastern Borneo who then grew up on the south side of Fiji as a non-swimming surfer, Mywire said that it felt like a slap in the chops and most of the Australian community simply did not realize how hurtful their comments could be. Australian immigrant & Tongan newscaster, Hughes Geevesafaa'k, responded, 'Good on yer, mate!'

Meanwhile ABC' AFL commentator, Gerhard Whatthehell, believed that Mywire's apparent contrition was genuine and that he was extremely remorseful for the balls up. Mywire appeared most emotional when he spoke about the distress he had heaped on the Swanns star and his family, blubbing continuously for the entire news segment. In the meantime, Thruawall has decided not to play this weekend and instead will travel to watch the surfing trials for Borneo expats taking place at the estuary of the Mahakam River outside Kalimantan with every Bull shark from the South China Sea in attendance.