Tuesday 2nd July 2013

Hughes Pulmateeth

Shoudna

Roy and I have just returned from London where we met with barrister, Hughes Puldmateeth, who was pushing for the extradition of murder accused, Shoudna Dunnit Dewani, to face the music. South African authorities, a toothless poodle at the best of times, have pulled out every stop to enable the return of Shoudna to Cape Town to face trial. For those of you who have forgotten the case, Shoudna is alleged to have paid a couple of murderous illiterate villains, John 'I'll Poke You' Dhlamini and his retarded cousin, Cutthroat Dhlamini, to hijack him and his beautiful wife on a predetermined rendezvous in Gugulethu and to allow him to escape while they promptly did away with his new unfortunate bride. The two miscreants were caught on CCTV being paid by Shoudna and have since been charged, incarcerated and sent away for a long time. Both fingered Shoudna as the brains, for lack of a better term, thus incriminating the Wagon wholesale. Shoudna's sexual proclivities & sometime preferences have emerged and his murky entretempts have revealed liaisons with a German gay bouncer amongst other trysts with a string of double adaptor males. Shoudna scarpered back to the safe enclaves of Blighty, and his delusional publicist, Max Nodifference, in conjunction with his lawyer, Hineed Decashbadly, have inter alia dismissed and denigrated the South African judicial system and gone for the last chance saloon, the insanity plea. Shouldna has since shacked up in a caravan on the grounds of an upmarket Bristol hospital for the rich mentally disturbed. Meanwhile, this man is saner than Tony Blair, not that Blair is squeaky clean, particularly - a stint in front of the UN Security Council for war crimes would be a good start - but arguably alot more conniving, and if the British public want to protect him, then they will be doing their own judicial system a massive disservice.

Hineed Decashbadly

Max Nodifference

Puldmateeth has told the court that Shoudna's health has improved and that he no longer spoke of sewerage pipes or any forms of self-mutilation even though the subject of self-flagellation has never been broached. Shoudna's legal team has asked for a few conditions to be put in place before they considered sending him down south to face the truth. Psychiatric help has been guaranteed for him in Cape Town and a single cell has been requested because the legal team feared the brutality of the crowded Cape jails and the possibility of him being repeatedly sodomised by half of Kyalechee. In reality, given his penchant, it is hardly certain that this would be a deal breaker. The trial in Bristol is expected to conclude within five days and British judge, Horace Blighty Smith, will decide the fate of the man who has seemingly intentionally destroyed the lives of a few families. Meanwhile, Horace would do well to look at Blair as the second case on the agenda. Blair might well fall into the same bracket of seemingly intentionally destroying the lives of more than just a few families - talk about an individual getting off Scot-free!

Max Nodifference, a publicist with a predilection for courting controversy amongst other things, is the 'go to' man when airhead film stars and top sportsmen need to get maximum coverage or maximum spin. The silver haired egotist has made some far etching comments about our judicial system and the letter of the law in this country and once again has proven that he will get your name out there as long as the cash is good. He claims his driving force is the hypocrisy within our society....Ya Max! Our good friend Max is himself currently facing sexual offences of his own that date back to the Jimmy Saville epoch, although apparently nothing connected to Saville's antics per se. Saville appears to be on another level when it came to surruptitious sexual indulgence on both sides of the sexual divide & mostly among the prepubescent, mentally challenged or downright paralysed it would appear. Max himself has denied eleven sexual assault charges from girls that were aged fourteen to nineteen at the time of the alleged offences, all supposedly between 1966 & 1985 - something to do with the sexual revolution, presumably. Of course, our man Max refutes the charges outright as totally unfounded, protesting his innocence of all charges. His trial is set for March next year & that will make for entertaining listening.