7th May 2013 - Pretoria

Bruce Yoronyorown

Gotha plane

Roy and I have just returned from Waterkloof Air Base on the outskirts of Pretoria, formerly the government stronghold of the apartheid regime.  Bruce Dhlamini Yoronyorown, the Chief of State Protocol and Sideline Tenders, is the man being blamed for the Gotcha wedding debacle. He apparently used the President's name to carry out this week's large operation involving the sometime Air Force, Police, Home Affairs and away from Home Affairs, otherwise known as the Holiday Affairs. These facts emerged today during the preliminary investigation concerning the landing of the Gotcha's new A330 on loan from the Indian government's Invest in India Incentives Dept.  Bruce, who was unavailable for comment as he was back on the family sugar plantation in Mpumalanga, is reported to have recruited many willing police staff with the lure of extra pay, the odd overseas holiday and the mandatory sponge cake each. 

The Indian High Commissioner, Verandah Atmyhouse Gotcha, incidentally is no relative to the extended visiting wedding family. He is from Goa and they are from Cumha. He has been recalled to the Dehli Night Steekers and also back to Pretoria to face the allegations that he colluded with the missing, Yoronyorown.

Verandah in action

Three generals, Colonel Mustard and Mrs Plum have all been suspended and funnily enough from different parts of their anatomy until the investigation is completed. The public outcry, which was all from behind close doors following the landing, has been growing in momentum to such a degree that senior cabinet ministers have all been distancing the President from the affair. But it must be said that all the other affairs have always been public knowledge.

The new developments have been named Gotchagate and have been dubbed into Hindi and a few other dialects from East India as well as into a few dialects of Yemeni & Sudanese, not to mention Pigeon Portuguese for our northern neighbours & a German slang for the Namibians

The newly weds, Ilaska Foryorhand and Ivot Gotcha, left South Africa  through the canteen exit at East Polokwane domestic airport, again escaping

Ilaska & Ovot

passport control and the security frisk which if it is by a male African is one step below sexual harassment. Strangely enough, the Gotcha owned Cessna jet carrying the fresh Tandoori curry tiffin, made by a three parts step cousins to the bridesmaid was not investigated either, despite causing a cholera outbreak in the newly renovated airport canteen.

Gotha jet powered biplane

Sutra on his way to a massage

The Sun City man'age'ment have opened an enquiry into the alleged behaviour of one of the Gotcha family, Sutra Hennyones Moonsammy, who was being treated in the hotel sanatorium for a form of wildly spreading bushfire gonorrhoea with a balm imported from Saudi Arabia. It is being purported that he sent for hotel masseur, Goodness Andrelieft, to massage him for a few hours before the ceremony. He supposedly cornered her on the Chaise Longue and tried to play inspector gadget with her. Her furtive cries were heard by Janitor, Vish Iwasthere, who came to her rescue. Sutra was only wearing a turban he had bought in downtown Morroco a few weeks earlier and Goodness was in her tribal dress.........nought.