26th March 2013 - Bangui, CAR

Roy and I have just returned from Bangui, the capital of the Central African Republic where we had been summoned to respond to a takeover by recently declared president, Michel Djotodia. He had been the leader of the coalition party for three whole weeks since he slaughtered any dissidents, or anyone else for that matter with even the slightest vision of grandeur who could possibly be contemplating a challenge to his newly acquired position. He had first tried to fire a rifle accurately when he was just ten years old, having first tried to shoot a passing goat but instead shooting his poor old & aging grandmother in her ample derrière while she was bent over picking mealies off the ground in their backyard. She had walked with shrapnel buried in her gluteus maximus & a visible limp for the rest of her days. He honed his limited marksmanship skills in the not too Democratic Republic of Congo before emigrating to the Central African Republic & pursuing his career in extortion & banditry. N'Jadder, the President of the Revolution for Democracy, stated that he did not recognise Djotodia as the president, which is hardly surprising seeing that Djotodia looks more like a close relative to the highland guerrilla from the neighbouring Cameroons. Funnily enough, N'Jadder had first found fame when his home bred filly, Likamadef, had won the Kenyan Derby at Ngong only to fail the dope test with a positive for an alien magic mushroom extract from the highlands of Bolivia near Puma Punku, not far from Lake Titicaca, & supposedly introduced to this planet from another galaxy & time. The filly in question most definitely ran her race like she was on a different level of time, not to mention space, with visiting Bolivian jockey, Don Juan, only eventually pulling her up at the end of the main runway of the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport in Nairobi, a good twenty kilometres from the finishing line of Ngong Racecourse. Needless to say, the filly promptly expired at the eventual pull-up on runway 2B with the blood test being extracted posthumously by the airport emergency medical staff. Mysteriously, Don Juan had his recently acquired Bombadier Gulfstream executive jet waiting at the end of the runway for permission for take-off from air traffic control. Don Juan was last seen scrambling up the emergency chute at the rear of the aircraft, & never to be sited again at least on planet Earth.

Michel Djotodia

Likamadef ridden by Don Juan going to post