13th June 2013....Vatican

vatican choir boys

Roy and I have just returned from Vatican City to substantiate claims of a gay lobby vying for power and influence within the Vatican. Current and recently ordained head of the Catholic Church worldwide, Pope Francsbinkisst, a 44/1 shot to win the vote when the white smoke emerged from the Vatican enclave earlier this year, has found himself having to face a long simmering & probably smouldering underground gay movement within the Catholic Church and now oversee a dossier handed to him by erstwhile pope, Pope Bendthedict, on his abrupt departure. On Tuesday, Vatican spokesman, Fredrico Longballme, did not deny the reports but stated that he wished to make no further comment on the matter & would rather retire for some introspection to a local gay club, Incognito, on the periphery of the Vatican grounds adjacent to a pharmaceutical company that has manufactured female contraceptives since '68 & has been funded from conception (forgive the pun) by the Vatican Bank.

Frangelico

 

The Latin American group, the Regional Organization for Priests and Nuns of Religious Order, known by its Lebanese acronym, GHEY, issued an apoplectic apology emphasizing that it was most distressed by the article. The organization has long been the subject of speculation about a gay lobby, and the sudden retirement of Pope Bendthedict was rumored to have been the result of ongoing internal squabbling & wholesale blackmail on an unprecedented scale. It has been commonly reported that Pope Bendthedict had asked three senior cardinals to investigate leaks regarding the scandal that homosexual clerics existed within the Vatican and that there was a strong probability this group had been blackmailed by some informed laymen from the Vatican spanking sector... I mean banking sector. The Vatican Secretariat of State, Cardinal Terdinand Feltsumkids, said the reports were "unverified, unverifiable or completely false" and retired to Incognito for a nightcap with long time companion, Longballme.
 

The notion there may be gays in the Vatican might come as a shock to the 1.2 billion Catholics but it is a wake up call to the blinkered devotees that all is not well in Rome. The ever present expose of paedophilia within the papal ranks has cost the Vatican millions in followers not to mention sunday stipends, and made followers reconsider this ancient and covert order within and beyond the Roman Curia. With Pope Francsbinkisst taking a new stand on openness and hoping to distance the Catholic church from 'Omertà', the Italian deep rooted & entrenched code of silence, he is bound to open  Pandora's box although admittedly no chance of any other. The latter is left to the nuns at the Instituto Maria Bonissimo Bambinos nunnery on the periphery to the gates of Rome.

Bunnied fowl

 

Vatican expert, Rodger Delocalsnicely, explained that the gay lobby had been discussed with the internal investigation unit that came out from Sicily (again excuse the pun) around a private table at Incognito. The party enjoyed a sumptuous dinner of bunnied fowl followed by a special dance routine display from the in-house gay boys...sorry show boys...a few shooters of Benedictine & at least a dozen bottles of Frangelica to cap off a wonderful passionate display by the male prepubescent entertainment. 

 

Cardinal Pullme from Tristan de Cunha, now a senior adviser to the papacy, said that all the problems began with the leaked diaries from the former papal butler, Señor Rubmyunderwear. The diaries, it is alleged, open a can of worms regarding the proclivities of the scarlet robed brethren and their nocturnal activities. It seems that Bendtheedict was not the only pious devotee to stand down after Archbishop Dlamini was sent fudge packing back to downtown Rwanda........!

Cardinal Pullme