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| Colonel 'Big Mac' |
Roy and I have just returned from SAPS Headquarters in Pretoria. We had been invited by senior police researcher
(there is only one) Colonel Cheeze Burger, affectionately known as 'Big Mac',
to look into allegations, first floated by the Ograbis Bugle, that the police
website had been hacked. Big Mac initially thought that someone had simply
taken a machete to the computer as is the norm amongst 'toy toying' protesters
but, after looking up 'cyber attack' in the dictionary, rephrased his response
to the public & stated that the police had in fact outsourced an IT
specialist from Abuja in Nigeria (infamous for orchestrating the 419 scams) to
'look into the matter' with the help of man'áge'ment & the various Nigerian
drug pedlars on Point Road in Durban (as long as they all received a blanket
amnesty as part of the arrangement).
"I think it is in the national interest that we
offer these criminals amnesty as part of our investigation into this matter.
This is vital for our national security." Phasta was quoted as stating with the
wisdom of an orphaned elephant on whoonga.
Almost 16 thousand confidential emails (are there
any other type on police sites?) were hacked and made public in objection to
the recent Marikana Miners slaughter with no-one being bought to book over the
massacre although the national President has stated in defence of the police
force that they had made every attempt not to fire their Uzis until all other
options had been exhausted such as landmines, agent orange, carpet bombs,
tanks, smuggled nuclear warheads from North Korea & Chernobyl, and so on.
And the President also observed astutely that the unfortunate event did occur
over a Friday. He noted that the police always look forward to their Friday
lunch socials (with the first twelve beers free for the first ten officers
only) at the Pretoria Headquarters canteen which might help explain the hasty
decision to open fire.
'Someone should be getting the boot' seems a more
appropriate course of action when even the police in our troubled land cannot
protect their own supposedly secure site. Police spokesman Brigadier Eet Putu
Phasta said that the police cyber crime unit (there is only one), headed up by
Yoruba iBoot from Abuja (as long as he can continue with his credit card scam
for another two months), was investigating and that he was hopeful the hacker
would be bought to book, as indeed he is hopeful of reducing crime
(delusionally & with no bearing on reality) on at least two days this year.
Phasta has stated that the overburdened police force must take small steps at a
time to combat this new form of crime.
"When we rush in, we ultimately bugger
things up," he added accurately for the first time this year.
Afrikaaner realtor, Koos Yookan, was appalled to
hear that his complaint against the drug riddled neighbourhood had gone viral.
What especially irked him, & more than his philandering wife whom he once
found In Flagrante Delicti at a community braai with the new dominee, Gert
Gobbelear, was that he had not had any response to his complaint. For the
safety of his family, he had decided to buy a state of the art caravan
second-hand from 'Burnin' Ecclestone (who is quickly dumping assets to be cash
ready) and keep moving to stay ahead of the savage criminals who continue to
traumatise local residents in his area. It was reported in the Ograbis Bugle
that he was camped on the corner of Dlamini and Gazza streets in Kempton Park.
Another troubling factor centred on the
accusations against purported paedophiles and their whereabouts in the
community, and also the alleged rape cases (there is more than one). Eet Putu
Phasta said that he was not bothered about one isolated incident and that the
public could rest assured that everything would be done to protect the public
as long as it was not over lunchtime.....Would they, hell!
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