24th April 2013 - Pretoria

Ypiss-only

Roy and I have just returned from Municipal Headquarters in Pretoria via the new Gautrain line to Oliver Tambo before catching a Mango flight at the discounted price of R300, all subsidised by SAA, and, indirectly of course, by the national government, and indirectly again, by the South African taxpayer, and indirectly again we suppose, by mostly Caucasians. We had been asked to add comment to the ludicrous, but extremely accurate, allegations directed at wealthy business woman, Skinhead Ypiss-only, who is, unfairly I might add, currently being charged with numerous tax and tender fraud charges that have been steadily accumulating since independence in '94. 
She is being charged with raking in the 'lions share' of the lucrative eThekweni municipal contracts, close to 50% of the province's entire GDP, which might explain to some degree, why your rates & water bills have gone up tenfold in the last five years alone.

Cheap housing alternative proposed by Ypiss-only

Ransak Naidoo

The contracts were awarded in terms of section 36 of eThekwini man'age'ment policy that allows for previously underprivileged (the majority of the population, it seems) to pillage, plunder, loot and burgle any amount of tax payers' money at will, whether or not you passed matric. Our friend, Ypiss-only, whose company, Weheist Cleaning Maintenance Drop Toilets & Transport & Ancillaries, Etc, was awarded the latest Umlazi housing project, which incorporates a new system of cheaper housing using imported paper-mache from the Amazon via a native american Indian registered company owned by the Reddy's in Isipingo and transparent Namibian mud imported from another Reddy company based in Luanda, Angola, that also deals in Kimberley certified raw diamonds only...Hmm. City Treasurer, Ransak Naidoo, stated that the contracts were as a result of an out of court settlement as opposed to the usual kangaroo courts held around the 'sometime' shebeen made with Weheist.

Treachery and the brains trust

Skinhead...who the bloody hell is Skinhead?...has previously had a 2005 VAT conviction brushed under the carpet, along with Zuma's, with the dexterity of a Federer backhand. Talking about backhands, Skinhead has received contracts to the value of R445 million, and we feel that it is turning out to be a witch hunt of extreme proportions, with the partisan DA ward councillor suggesting that, like a tribal kya, where there is smoke there is fire - plenty of fire! The DA have taken a jaundiced view of the matter, saying that the Municipal Financial Act clearly states that a municipality may not do business with any individual who has a criminal record, but the city continues to flout the law primarily, we assume, because the majority would be excluded if they did not flout the law. The 'law' was written by Treachery Gumede many years ago from his jail cell on Robin Island where the meat of the South African constitution was originally formulated by the brains trust of the old guard ANC & with a little help from the Moscow University Department of Political Science & Communism, now located on the outskirts of Chernobyl. 

The head of department, Skrambled Dykotomy, has the dubious distinction of having two brains, apparently, and might help explain why his statue outside the buildings of parliament in Pretoria seems to have an overly enlarged head. On the otherhand, we are not sure why the statue of Thabo Mbeki has such an unusually small pea sized head. The fact that Jacob Zuma does not even appear to have a head, or at least not much of a neck, or an over-extended neck perhaps, is also an unknown. But then, did he pass his matric?