4th April 2013 - Seychelles

Roy and I have just returned from the island of Mahe, Seychelles, hosted by the Seychelles Gay Tourism Marketing Board where we were invited to view the palatial and extremely ostentatious residence recently constructed for Sheik Kalifa Bin Zayed Al Nahyan. We also met with board members of BuildOn, the construction company responsible for building Madonna's orphanage schools in Lilongwe at their headquarters on the island of La Digue that they recently purchased from Sheikh Kalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan in exchange for information on Somali pirates operating along the Indian Ocean shipping lanes. However, according to Sheik Kalifa’s trusted spokesman and friend Turkmen President, the oddly named, Saparumat Niyasod, there was a small sum of 14.5 million US involved as well. Niyasod had banned the use of beards as well as dogs from his country, which ruled both Roy and I out for obvious reasons. In mitigation, BuildOn did help build the orphanage for underage girls only on the outskirts of the capital of Turkmenistan, Ashgabat.

Saparumat Niyasod on a bad hair day

Saparumat, who resembles an overweight Lee Trevino on acid, had been famously lambasted for changing the names of the calendar months in Russian and renaming them after his extended family also . He also built an ice palace in the desert which lasted all of 12 hours. He also barred the opera, ballet and the circus as he found them unturkman-like. 

This is the Ice Palace

and this is Turkmenistan !!

 When he threw a seven in 2006 after stumbling over a wild Turkmen mountain goat twice while abseiling in a kevlar wingsuit along the west side of the Balkan Mountain range just east of the Caspian Sea, it was rumoured that he had 3 billion US in an offshore account at the German Deutsche Bank in Liechtenstein. Nahyan and Niyasod had reportedly met many years ago on a reality show for lonely bachelors in neighbourimg Khazakstan hosted by the notorious Boris Barat. The Nahyan family, currently worth 150 billion US, have given large donations of financial aid to the Seychelles to the Upliftment of Mulatta Gays Society chaired by the Seychelles' President, James Michel, a distant relation of Nairac Michel of Gold Circle fame.

The Seychellois Mulatta Gay Society had remained deeply closeted after a homophobe from the neighbouring island of Reunion had slaughtered many a 'camp' follower using a rusty cutlass and a sawnoff shotgun. The original sizeable bounty was proffered by Nahyan as his proclivities were distinctly left of centre. The bigoted swine was eventually found with the Rushton brothers in a bathhouse in downtown 'Frisco.

The Rushton's & friends