3rd April 2013 - Malawi

Roy and I have just returned from the western district of Kasungu near the Zambian border of Malawi. Madonna recently docked her private yacht along the shores of the vastly overfished & nearly sterile Lake Malawi that she had air freighted in within the belly of a recently overhauled Antonov cargo plane loaned by Boris Berezovsky that he last used in 2003 when he flew most of his hometown into London to seek political asylum.

Madonna's yacht

 In tow was her 8 year old adopted son, David Banda, who Madonna had brought back to the orphanage & habitat of his earlier years prior to her absconding with him a few years back under some grandiose pretence of saving Africa's entire juvenile offspring.

Madonna auditioning prospective orphans

Malawi gained independence from colonial rule in 1964. Venomous dictator for life, President Hastings Kamuzu Banda, suppressed all opposition (ring a bell?) to help transform the country into a graveyard for children with one of the highest infant mortality rates on the continent with virtually little life expectancy. The shooting range outside the military camp in Mikango, Chongwe district, operated by the Maqhawe eSizwe War Veterans group firing squad might have had something to do with the high mortality rates amongst the general population. After thirty years of one party rule, democratically elected autocrat, Bingu Mithurika, came to power and soon demonstrated his dismissive perspective & total disregard for any human rights at all (ring a bell?). Thankfully, unpopular Bingu threw a seven in 2012 while straddling one of his fourteen wives. This allowed his able and ample understudy, Joyce Banda (presumably from one of the original band of brides), to take over the reins from her renovated mud hut in Mchinji.

Kim Jong-Un watching a Madonna concert from his private box

Perhaps Madonna has decided to adopt another Malawian offspring from one of the more densely populated areas on the planet as she has made the decision to invest over 15 million US in community schools around the capital, Lilongwe. Last year, Education Minister Eunice 'Backsky' Kazembe challenged a claim by Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi or should it be Fattening Malawi, that it had built ten schools stating they were actually classroom blocks rather than schools. You work the maths - that's 1.5 million US per classroom block. Kim Jong-un spent less on his nuclear defense bunkers in Pyongyang. The organisation responsible for building the schools, or should I say classrooms, called BuildOn denied all accusations relating to misuse of charity funds in a statement issued from their headquarters on the island of La Digue in the Seychelles.

We can still recall the protracted battle Madonna endured while adopting Mercy from the Kondanani Childrens Village in 2009. All of a sudden, Madonna was faced with at least four fathers claiming parental rights over the child & demanding, naturally, dollar figures in reparation that exceeded the North Koreans' entire military budget for 2009.